"Congratulations!"

My husband sang congratulations to me every now and then since yesterday. I shared the news with H this morning, who shared his good news with me 6 months ago, together with his very useful exam tips and resources. I felt his genuine excitement for me across the screen. I often only feel more impact of certain good news from the reaction of others, their happiness for me. I did not feel the euphoria I thought I would have. I relayed the fresh news to case manager F, and then to my consultant V, both of whom seem genuinely happy for me.  The fact that I need to take note of the genuineness of their positive emotions on my behalf, signifies the insecurity and guardedness inside me. I slowly learned to accept love and kindness, as I too will wish for good for the other people and share their happiness. My harsh superego often restricts the joy I should feel and the immensity of any achievement in my life. I guess the answer is to stop expecting what I will never get from unavailable sources. I need to be self-sufficient emotionally. I am turning 30 next month. I can pave a different life with what I have now, and that include my past self who constantly enriches my resilience.