1st mid-term of Stage 2: Transient rainfall.

Another mid-term. This time I feel relief. 

I want this to be over soon. Which is a sad irony, I had felt so much anticipation for this rotation half year ago.

I love seeing the patients. I enjoy the clinical work which I won't get from elsewhere. I love feeling more confidence in doing community reviews. I am now more capable than I was even 3 months ago. I like how I will not regret this rotation, because of the clinical experience that is enriching my knowledge and skillset in psychiatry.  I am also consciously improving my interviewing skill.  

But it is also this rotation which made me realise I can't work in this kind of suffocating. controlling and implicitly condescending psychological environment for long. It reminds me, repeatedly, what kind of consultant/leader/superior I must not become and what kind of person I want to be. We can freely choose who we want to be, for ourselves and for the people around us, more so when we gain more seniority, confidence and power. I remind myself to stay kind and humble. You showed me how being kind and humble will not strip away our authority and power. It in fact does the opposite. The social power you exerted unknowingly, remains strong in your absence. 

当我慢慢学习抓着属于我自己的步伐，我也慢慢不再太想念你。

你的影子已经刻在我doctoring的每一刻。你教过我的interviewing skills，你会写的plan，你的clinical thinking，你对身边每个人的态度。

这条路，终究还是该我自己来。

谢谢你曾经来过。我不需要记得，不会想起，因为我不会忘记。那些大大小小的时刻，已经走进我心里，刻在脑里，化成我今后的每一个脚步。