The next stop.

Dear R,

Tomorrow will be my first day of Stage 2 training.

I can no longer introduce myself as a Stage 1 trainee and people will no longer give me the forgiveness they give to fresh junior registrars. If my new consultant were to ask me, what do I want to learn in this new rotation or in stage 2, I might be honest and say I always don't know what I have to learn, in the depth of unknown and uncertainties. I remember when I first started as a PHO 2 years ago, I said I want to learn to be a good registrar (and I quickly did, in that particular unkind environment, although no one except the nurses and the MHA delegate gave me the recognition). Last year when I started my first year reg job, I said I want to focus on meeting the training requirements (and I think I did more than enough somehow and I learned more than I expected especially from you) and I want to study more for my knowledge. 

I am unsure exactly how much I need to be better this year, to be a good Stage 2 registrar. I still have a lot of worries if not more. I haven't read Stahl. I want to read Gabbard and the other similar books that you have recommended. Do I need to look more like a confident person who can lead the team? Do I need to now worry about my psychotherapy case because good registrars appear to all have started doing it in their year 2 (but I don't feel ready yet)? Can I leave my scholarly project to the end, while I will be having two iOCAs at the end too? But first, I want and need to (and must?) pass my upcoming MCQ exam. And I will be worried about my MEQ exam next. 

And also, quite importantly, I need to have good work-life boundary (not just 'balance' as my good time management always allow it to happen) this year.

Talk to you soon. 

(Sorry, you have to be my ongoing imaginary person to write to for now, while I am transitioning to the new phase. I hope you will never find this out.）

(Oh ya, I forgot to let you know that, yes, I had a good break. And even on re-re-re-reflection, I am still very happy that I had a very good year last year. So thank you again.)