End of Nov, work-related thoughts

My previous consultant gave me a goodbye gift of saying I will flourish in the training. At the beginning of this year I told myself I want to do better admission history taking, do better ED assessments and learn to write proper formulation. Each working day felt mundane and they passed by slowly. But when I glance back, many days and months have passed. Somehow I have learned something, in ways that I couldn't pinpoint exactly or specifically. Somehow I have become a better registrar, someone I would want to be a year ago. 

This term I learned something completely new. First I am running a registrar clinic, second I need to come up with some plans. Third, I am working with many people and they are always waiting for me to say something, some instructions or advice. Fourth depending on the waves, I need to tolerate the tedious script jobs that won't stop, frequent interruption from people for non-urgent jobs, and the many MHRT reports for patients whom I have not met (and actually why are they even on TA?). And then I am working with someone who made me want to run away (which I did and eventually realised with frustration that there is no running away). I am still feeling unsure if I am enjoying this rotation, as I am looking forward to my another afterhours week in January. Although I do like what I have gained, new learning, new kind of competence, new clinical perspective and the lovely people around me. Learning new skill or knowledge is not difficult, but working on weakness is. My recent OCA interview has brought to the surface that talking to normal people is my weakness. I then realised I feel more at ease interviewing acutely unwell patients. I have difficulty doing more than 10-min review for a CCT patient who is not talkative or hypomanic or tangential or angry. 

This year is ending soon. Sometimes I feel that I have a lot to do, sometimes I feel that I don't know where to from here. People like to ask why we want to do Psychiatry (but people are less likely to ask why they want to do surgery or internal medicine). I do not have a clear answer. I don't think I am that generous to do something to want to help people. I guess I am just chasing a sense of competence. Chasing a sense of competence, my obsessiveness and perfectionism. These could be my strengths and deadly weaknesses.