YRXN

不擅长面对陌生人，还好她替我填补好多空白。以前逃避所有礼仪客套。不喜欢为了场面好看而带上别人不需要的手信。不喜欢为了什么理由也好不大方地抢着付钱。不喜欢为了避免尴尬而挤出话题和不熟识的人说话。长大了就要对虚伪的世界妥协。突然想起那时他听起来很真心的告白，什么都是听起来。还好我的感情洁癖为我们模糊的感情划出界限。可能我只是不小心和他念念不忘的她一样刁蛮任性不给面子地和他吵架发他脾气让他晃神。我还想起D说谁也不能轻易相信，相信自己就好。想起那时信誓旦旦对他说全世界我最相信你。在车上她惋惜自己和那个人回不去的友情。我说多年以后可能我也会忘记他曾经载我去过很多地方。记住或不小心忘记，决定点是那个人有多重要。比如一个我回答过几次的问题那个人再一次问。比如我忘了自己曾经说过的小细节，另一个人不经意提起，我讶异得说不出话。

这是一篇没有经过思考所以写得凌乱的文。

我是没出息的小毛孩 才一直想念你 :)

一个人在楼下写小说，偶尔会听到卡车经过的轰隆声。我只是突然想提早祝你农历新年快乐。我的新年愿望就是在暑假结束前写完第4本书。我不虚伪，所以第二个愿望不是希望你能平安快乐。你不需要任何人的愿望，都能平安快乐和幸福。

"Sometimes I feel like a big inconvenience."

只剩一个月，值得难过。只有行尸走肉地写小说。那天看完<Perfect Match>，昨天看另外一本小说。第一次买的作者。发现又是一本我边读边嫌弃的小说，所以不看了。不写小说时想到开学会恢复我不喜欢的生活。我去年花了一段时间思考我怎样才能开心。都不可能了。我只是在辜负17岁的自己。你开心吗。

How can you walk in and out of my life

--- like my heart will not fall into unrecognizable pieces again and again.

2

You know, in the past many hundred days, I thought I would cry when I’m lucky enough to see you again. And then when it happened, I realized I will only cry when I can no longer see you anymore.

We were 18 then. We are almost 21 now. Why am I still the same person to you, and different at the same time. Why do I still see a child in front of me, no matter how hard you try to be a changed person. And the words you told me 2 years ago repeated themselves in my ear over and over again. Sometimes I hope I am able to forget everything you told me, everything you did for me consciously and unconsciously.

Then only I can start to believe, that forever is just a naive joke and temporary delusion.