Simple things to be grateful for

Research placement开始了。为了和D先生搭档几个礼拜前的早晨选择这个project。现在开始深入了解systemic & scoping review和Endnote操作。过程繁冗希望我会享受其中，找到那些researchers那么投入的原因。关于大概7年前洁清送我的俗话“选你所爱 爱你所选”，慢慢我看透了。不是每个人都有这样的幸福，一如王力宏曾说过人生岔路很多，那些可以走自己喜欢的路的人都是幸福的。我不是最幸福，却是幸运的。毕竟竭尽所能，没有辜负青春时期天花乱坠的期待。现在能和最佳拍档着手学术研究，也是一种小确幸。

遇见你1502天快乐

谢谢你等我，谢谢你不顾一切对我好。寻寻觅觅，你就是乐玄的海洋，浇熄她的任性与傲娇；尽管是眼泪，也能变成黑暗里闪烁的星星。

我也喜欢你，宽容温柔的大海。

Mourn- 15.4.20

I won't have the most beautiful time of the year, the most romantic adventure, the most precious clinical experience. I won't get to wear the first white furry winter coat that I will treasure, the thick light pink pretty dress with lacy snowy long sleeve that I planned to wear in the romantic autumn, the matching furry scarf and the expensive elegant-looking shoes and handbag. I won't get to enjoy the first ever clinical posting that I get to pair up with you, go to the exact same department of the hospital every day with you, the day that we don't have to share stories with each other because we live the same day, see the same patients, experience the same atmosphere. We won't get to finish our unfinished trip itinerary, to experience another accidental bouts of laughter and happiness, to turn dreams into memories. This is a sad story and I won't find excuse for it anymore. This is a sad story. I won't have the most beautiful moments of the year. 

(For those who asked, this was written in response to our cancelled final year clinical placements in Melbourne due to COVID-19/undeniably Wuhan virus (for the record of hx))

“过去未来 我只想见你”

太多在这里留下的悲伤文字，其实都是精神状态不好的痕迹。这也包括曾经我对羁绊的执着，自以为美好的往事的眷恋，执意对眼前对我好的人的伤害。曾想拼命留下的回忆，现在变成不想回顾的过去。可能时间冲淡一切这句话终究是一场自欺欺人，只有成长和勇敢才会。我那么执着，那么有感情洁癖的一个人，那么费劲，还是亲手玷污了我们的感情。谢谢你陪我一起勇敢接受这样的我，陪我一起成长和蜕变。从前听歌总是听得太入戏，如今我和你一样，好像总看不懂歌词，把伤心的歌唱得很快乐。我和你说过我是烂泥，你坚定地说不是。我还记得把自己看成烂泥的感觉，记得把卫生纸哭光的黑暗房间，记得哭得无法呼吸双眼红肿的窒息，记得你一片海洋的温柔。曾经你生气地问我念念不忘的那个人现在在哪里，却被我固执凶狠地反驳。我现在用苍白无力的道歉弥补几年前对你的伤害可以吗。亲爱的，你是对的。你在我眼前，在我身边，在我身后，而我在你心里，你才是我该义无反顾赴汤蹈火珍惜的人。如果可以回到过去，我一定会努力成为优秀的女孩，在安静的青春岁月等待我遇见你的那个瞬间，等到我们成为彼此的初恋。