29 May, 2026

Dear R, 

I am never a person who drafts a text or email. I surprised myself by doing it, drafting a text a few days ahead, a planned text. My deliberate consciousness is needed to keep my unconscious emotions or irrelevant thoughts from showing. They are mine to process. I then texted you the last thank you today. We keep ourselves within the boundaries more so after the end.  

I was thinking there are just 2 more months until the end of this rotation. Some things made me dislike this rotation. But I am also thinking there are still so much more that I want to learn, so much more modules and reading that I meant to do but somehow did not find time or motivation to. 

V being an untrusting person did not believe all those impression or formulation that I included in my documentations were of my own thinking (and feeling) and writing. I should have felt offended but I did not. Working with her for 4 months now has desensitised me in this way. I thank her for training me to not rely on external validation any longer. Her view or perspective doesn't prove my ability and worth. Being as matter of fact as I can with her, our working relationship is devoid of any personal emotion. A strict but fair and not prejudiced/unkind consultant and a responsible, diligent registrar who never bothers to please anyone. I am learning her strengths still and absorbing her feedback. I admire her medication management skill, her assertiveness in swapping medication and setting boundaries in reviews. 

I just came back from 1-week tropical holidays recently. My husband is busy preparing for his clinical exam. My love for Japanese literature rekindles as I read physical books instead of ebooks on Kindle. I sort of set aside the other big training assessment requirement for now, after the MCQ. But I feel that some things can never get done, for eg I want to read Stahls, Nancy McWilliam and the bigger book of Gabbard.

I am quite happy to not start psychotherapy first. I am unsure why I can't feel ready for it.

MEQ is the next thing I want to do and pass.  

Alright, quite an incoherent piece.

Talk next time.