"I'm not running away
I'm running towards the life I want
and that's here."
2
"Lin is an excellent intern."
"Lin is a good intern."
"Lin you are too good."
"You are efficient that's what I like about you."
有些话是场面话，有些不是。对自己苛刻，总是觉得自己不够好。一年前我在这里说我总是总是不够优秀。现在有人说，我够好了。我也要对自己说，我慢慢也成了曾经仰望的人。这些都磕磕绊绊笨拙地，来得不容易。这条漫长道路，曾经想逃离，后来决定留下。而我终于站在了向往的灿烂星空底下，今后不会再辜负自己。
2021下半年读过的书：
15) 高敏感是种天赋 x3- 伊尔斯·桑德 (Ilse Sand)❤
2022读过的书：
1) 千山暮雪- 匪我思存
2) 佳期如梦- 匪我思存
3) 怦然心动- 玖月晞
4) The party crasher- Sophie Kinsella
5) I owe you one- Sophie Kinsella
6) Still Me- Jojo Moyes
7) The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox- Maggie O’Farrell
8) Harvesting the heart- Judi Picoult
9) Turning the me generation into the we generation- Micheal Ungar
10) Plain truth- Jodi Picoult
11) Reader’s Digest Condensed Book 1990
12) The Giver of Stars- Jojo Moyes
13) A Better Life- Craig Hamilton
14) Toxic Positivity-Whitney Goodman❤
15) Emotional Female- Yumiko Kadota❤
16) 山茶文具店- 小川系/译者: 王蕴洁❤
17) The Subtle Art of Not Giving a XXXX- Mark Mason❤
18) Handle with care- Jodi Picoult
19) Back to Normal- Why Ordinary Childhood Behaviour is Mistaken for ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, and Autism Spectrum Disorder- Enrico Gnaulati
20) Things we never say- Sheila O’Flanagan
21) This is Going to Hurt- Adam Kay❤
2021年下半年开始housemanship，只读了一套书，值得了时间和心思。
2022来澳洲，有不错的work life balance，空闲时间都在阅读，虽然也没有惊人的阅读量。不管长多大还是离不开fiction，可是今年读了很喜欢的non-fiction。<Toxic Positivity>有我喜欢的概念，朋友随后推荐的<The Subtle Art of not Giving a XXXX>主题和前者相似，但对生活比较有直接的用处，虽然有生硬的自以为幽默和self-help书的废话。迟迟才读的《山茶文具店》是治愈小书。<Emotional Female>和 <This is going to Hurt>是junior doctor的自述，从他们internship开始写到当他们是senior registrar，最后从public health system辞职；前者背景为澳洲，后者为英国NHS。前者的描述着重于neurosurgical training的toxicity和身为在白人国家行医的亚洲女性感受过的细微歧视，某些作者深刻的体验和感受我不会再读第二次；后者以日记形式呈现，作者面对事情的心态和诠释某些事件的成熟让我比较喜欢这本书。
“...Unlike being a junior doctor, I wont just drop you in the deep end and expect you to know exactly what you’re doing.”
“I realised that we had to become our own role models and lead a life that we find worth living, and that’s something only you yourself can do.”
夏天日长。Night shift的时候目睹早上5点天就开始慢慢亮。喜欢日长。
2
几句前辈说过的我 我一直记得：
Don’t forget to smell the roses
In medicine there is no right or wrong as long as you can justify yourself
In medicine if you don't take care of yourself no one will take care of you
Don't let them overwork you, it is not worth it.
3
某个晚上两个病人死。我去检查和certify death和填张表格后，attendant不久就过来把尸体移走，问表格在哪里。宣告病人死亡时间，和决定attendant什么时候可以来搬移尸体的我，不禁对某人说- I'm always worried the patients that I have certified dead suddenly wake up a few hrs later and turn out not dead actually。我和D先生说我要买新的stethoscope，一直trigger这个想法的竟然不是源自auscultate活人而是死人。
在general medicine (with very supportive registrars)久了就感到太舒适 变成一个舒适圈 一起工作过的reg都问我要不要进gen med training program 我都抗拒地摇头。一开始gen med让我想起med school的噩梦 后来习惯了 可是还是觉得自己不行 虽然他们都说 学习是循序渐进的。但我不想为了迎合谁的期待 而再把自己逼入墙角。这是一个令人开心的rotation 剩余的一个月都在night shift。长长的night shift要开始了 有点不期待。还有后来的emergency department。今年在ED呆太久了 原以为明年可以逃过 但还是不能。希望明年可以遇见the love of my life 然后一切顺利。
2
关于越来越好 不是为了证明给谁看，只是为了自己。也不需要try too hard。
"You are good at what you are doing."
"You are very efficient, which is what I like."
曾经被恶言伤害，现在就要记得善良的话语。
3
